FRIGGIN' TAXES

So we drovee our new, used-car home on Saturday.  On Monday, my wife spent her entire day fighting for government compliance.  She got a safety and emissions inspection done (about $100.00) just to license our car.  It passed.  She got the transmission flushed and oil changed (for my peace of mind, not government compliance).  Then she spent a couple of hours at the D.M.V. (the unhappiest place on earth?) to pay more money ($187.00)  for a piece of paper and two pieces of metal that let us drive the friendly Utah roads.

When she got home she handed me the receipt for the registration.  First of all, I want to rant about double taxation.  Someone bought this car from a dealership and paid sales tax to the state.  Now, eleven years and two owners later, the state requires another sales tax payment for the same vehicle.  And if I sell it tomorrow, they will require yet another. 

Lets look at what fees were assessed to make up $187.00

1. Motor vehicle title $6.00.  OK, I agree to a fee that says this car is mine.  Six bucks, not bad.

2. State Sales Tax $47.00.  Did I already mention that double taxation is crap?

3. Local Sales Tax $10.00.  Oh, there are multiple sales taxes.  That's convenient.  My hands started clamping down on the title a little harder.

4. Zoo, Cultural Tax $1.00.  What the *%@&%?  Is it assumed that I will take this car to the zoo, or is this to pay for the zoo that is the D.M.V.?  Seriously.  That is a dollar I could have used on a Slurpee on my way home today.  But instead there is a Zoo, Cultural Tax fund.  What is that for?  I mean, I still have to pay when I go to the zoo.  The zoo isn't free.  The food there isn't free.  What the *%@&%?

5. County Options Sales Tax $2.50.  Wait a second.  Didn't I just pay two other sales taxes?  There is a third one?  Two and a half more Slurpees I can't buy now.

6. Mass Transit Tax $5.00.  What?  I own a car, I don't take the bus.  Tax the people who use mass transit for using it.  Now I have to pay a tax for something I don't use?  Five more Slurpees.  So much for family night at 7-eleven.

7. County Option Transportation.  $2.50.  OK, now they are just making stuff up.  That sounds like a medical term a doctor uses to confuse his patient.  Ya, I'm gonna need surgery.

8. Supplemental State Sales Tax.  $.50  Wait a second.  Didn't I just pay three other sales taxes?  Only half a Slurpee, maybe the public won't notice.

The first eight fees come to $74.50.  That is under the heading of Title a Vehicle with a Utah title. 

Now we move on to the LE Skier passenger/LT Truck heading.

9. Uninsured motorist identification fee.  $1.00.   Are we microchipping uninsured motorists like pets now?  If I run that scanner thingy from the vet hospital over an uninsured motorist will it beep and call for the police?  I'm not gonna get any Slurpees this summer.

10. MV Drivers Education.  $2.50  OK, I took drivers ed like twenty years ago.  Can I quit paying for it yet?

11. Plate fee $5.00.  Licence plates are kind of cool.  Five Slurpees sounds like a fair price.  Maybe even six if they have that sweet new metallic shiny paint coating.

12. County Assessed Fee Current year.  $50.00 Another medical term.  Is it contagious Doctor?

13. Weber County Gasoline Passenger.  $1.00 Does my gasoline passenger have to wear a seat belt?  Does he look like the water monster from the movie "The Abyss"? 

14. Cor Fee - Weber $10.00 Now they aren't even spelling out the fees.  I think cor is short for corset.  It is the fee for close fitting undergarments.  I should tell them I'm not wearing underwear.

15. Passenger registration 7/09 $43.00  Hmmm.  Do I have to register my passengers?  What if I am the only one driving the car?  I'll even take the other seats out  for you.

Grand total, one hundred and eighty seven Slurpees.

Fifteen fees later and I was feeling violated.  It's like someone took a couple of taxes and put them in a box with plenty of food and water and they reproduced like rabbits, making a bunch of baby taxes.  And we stupid citizens keep paying them.  A dollar here, another dollar there.  Next thing you know 7-eleven is out of business. 

Wait, I propose the Slurpee tax.  Just one more dollar every time you register your car.  Brain freezes are worth it.