Women are diabolical. If they can't get men to comply voluntarily, they move to compulsion. It was a woman who invented the cushy shag toilet-seat cover.
Let's analyze this for a second. How many people sit on a closed toilet seat? Let's count them.
ZERO!
That's right folks, no one sits on a closed toilet seat. Putting a cushy little earth-tone cover on it has no functional purpose except to frustrate bladder-challenged males. You see, toilet-seat covers have only one function: To keep the toilet-seat down. But it comes at a cost.
Men pee standing up. When you put a stupid cover on the toilet seat it spring loads that sucker and won't let it stay open. How many men have thrown their backs out while holding a spring loaded toilet seat open with one knee while trying to parallel park in the little space next to the porcelain throne? This orientation puts us shooting at the narrow aspect of the toilet. Does the word 'over spray' have any significance to you? They should sell spy cameras on the cushy toilet seat cover aisle. The ensuing footage would be worth some money.
And, no ladies, sitting down to pee would not be easier.
I would like all the men out there to join me in a little rebellion. Any time you come across a toilet with a cushy seat cover impeding your urinary freedoms, please remove the seat completely and hide it somewhere. Don't worry, hiding that little furnishing for a day or two should guarantee a cease fire. You'll never have to pee with a balancing knee in the air again.
But if the cushy toilet seat cover comes back, we move to phase two: urinating in the sink. The sink is safer. Workers Comp doesn't cover injuries incurred while wrestling with a toilet seat cover.
Ladies, learn to work your toilet seat. It is not a complicated piece of equipment. If it is up, please move it to the down position before setting up for a landing. We don't even ask you to return it to the upright position when you are done.
I apologize in advance if this rebellion causes a diabolical woman to invent the bathroom sink cover with a cushy shag cover.
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You could pee like my 4 year does. He lifts the seat with two hands and leans holding it up, almost like doing hamstring stretches against a wall. He proceeds to lower his head between his raised arms and look back 8 feet to take a bearing on the water. He usually pees perfectly horizontal just high enough to pee right between the hinges on the seat......GOALLLLLLLLLL. You did it again buddy, good shot.
ReplyDeleteToilets are diablolical Blake, not the seat covers. Leave it to the Europeans to continue to use a hole in the floor for Men and Woman to go both number 1 and 2 respectively.